Anxiety: Tidbits

What is anxiety? Have you ever worried too much about a significant event or school exam? That’s normal anxiety. 

Everyone experiences worry and stress in everyday situations. Those are normal reactions to a problem for most people, and then they disappear. 

Anxiety becomes unhealthy when you have those reactions to typical everyday situations. I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t have anxiety, and the older I got, the worse it got. I was called the anxious child, the shy child. As an adult, being a young mom with a home and bills, my anxiety was controlling me. Constant, no sleep, no appetite, didn’t want to go anywhere. I’m very good at noticing people’s habits, routines, and patterns. My entire life, when I got too worried, scared, and stressed too much to handle, I shut down and couldn’t speak. For many years, people thought I was intentionally doing this, and even when I tried to explain, I wasn’t believed. 

I showed people I could write now, but I couldn’t get the sound out. I could write a note saying, “I love you, and I’m not mad,” but until I process this, my brain won’t let me speak. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I let it lock me in my home for a long time until I got help. I had anxiety driving, going into public places, and being in crowds. I had my first panic attack at nineteen, and I thought it was a stroke or heart attack. I couldn’t breathe, lost control of my face, and tears were rolling down my face. I was so scared in that moment. I was put on medication, and it changed my life. I’m not ashamed I needed help, and I had a great Psychiatrist. After that, I could drive to more places and do more things. 

I was finally living now. It didn’t go away. It was just a band-aid. I did have to work on a lot of things: talk therapy and exposure therapy. That’s when I tamed my fear of heights, became an avid hiker, and fell in love with mountains. Heights still give me anxiety, but I have the tools to help. Anxiety can cause a lot of weird sensations or symptoms that are scary.

My heart would beat so hard, and I would start sweating profusely. My face would get pins and needle sensations or go numb. Also, combined with my OCD, my first thought was I was dying. I’m having a heart attack. I can laugh now, but then it was so real, and OCD and anxiety can do a number on you, and it can take away your quality of life. If you are dealing with this, please seek medical help and start living your life. 

This is/was my experience and not medical advice. 

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